Ch-Ch Changes

Since we have last spoken, there have been many many changes.

1. Much to the anger of my mother, my father will be in Armenia until mid-June. He received a really interesting opportunity to study/observe the endangered Armenian birch mouse when one of his old zoologist friends from the states invited him. Yes, my father is a zoologist, specifically under the category of mammalogy. It was always fun during career day in prim. school. He has been gone for a few weeks now and my mother is miserable and angry, pretty much at all hours of the day. I feel for her students, there is nothing like an angry French teacher to ruin your day.

2. My grand-mère moved in with us last weekend. Only temporarily fortunately. The reason is that next week my mother is going to France for about a month. Why? To visit some friends and tie up all the loose ends for the adoption of my NEW BROTHER! I guess I'm pretty excited now, but why couldn't they have found a girl somewhere? We already have two boys.

Now normally I would be allowed to be by myself for this month. However I can't...

3. One day, when my parents were supposedly out of town I, like any normal person my age, threw a party. There were some questionable people and questionable substances. It got even better when my parents arrived. I never wanted more to crawl into a hole.

4. Every since me and "that guy" ended whatever was going on there. I have had zero, dates, zero guys in general, not even meaningless party kisses. But I'm okay because my grades have skyrocketed! I mean honestly, I'm doing great in school now that I have no stupid distractions. Also, I'm not allowed to go to any partys...

I'm starting to feel nerdy, and it's great!

more soon!

You think you know someone....

until you find out they have a secret girlfriend

since tuesday night hockey boy was acting kinda strange

today when i asked him what our plans for the weekend were he told me 

there was a girl he was dating, before he met me.. she goes to another school

and they were still together all along AND he said that he LOVES her

but... its all good because we can still hook up

what!? i don't think so! 

its been several months now and i was really starting to like this guy, like a lot 

i've never felt more stupid and

naturally i was fucking pissed

did his mother know this whole time??

so i find out that she is from mexico

oh great! she's probably really exotic and pretty, was i not exotic enough for him??

like any teenage girl in this day and age i do some snooping on facebook and find her to be not cute at all

she is ridiculously short (disclaimer: i have nothing against short people, i'm just reasonably tall) and has braces, is overweight, and she's a junior 

yes, i am being extremely superficial but guys like him don't go for girls like her

i've never been in a situation like this before, what will i do when i see him tomorrow in french class??

hmmm 

obviously i'm in a SUPER mood

i'm not bitter though

so here's a big FUCK YOU for STEPHEN SALLE!

Since When..

i am a little mad 

and so are my parents understandably

we are mad for different reasons however

THEIR REASON

even though i am making A's in all of my advanced classes and mostly A's and B's overall, i have a 68 in math... which is bad yes

MY REASON

i have never been good at math, i have failed before and they didn't care then! they were just so proud that i was good at physics. 

now they won't let me go anywhere or do anything. they won't let me go hang with the boyfriend for a couple of hours. they won't let me walk the FUCKING dog...

my parents have never ever been this strict before

and so tomorrow i am getting a tutor for THREE HOURS

i don't have three hours of math that i need help with, do they want me to fall over and die of boredom !?!?!?!??!!!!!

so i fume here and take advantage of my laptop use, before they take that away from me

can't wait for college ,cause i am legally an adult, and waaaay to old for this

Belgian Fetish

so, i went to a party this weekend

i knew a total of three people

all i can say is belgian fetish

i'll expand on that later...

Distance, Fondness and All That...

so i'm not home, as i mentioned in an earlier post 

right now im in montreal

but i got a phone call from hockey boy, he was wondering if I could help him with his french homework... true, his french is not so great. but his mom is a native french (canadian) speaker, her french is great (i know! we've spoken lol)

i thought it was cute and of course he had already finished his french homework with her help

i guess i still haven't talked about how that date went

the dinner and restaurant were great just like my friend said it would be, but i didn't get the feeling of "omg i really like this guy!!!" 

you know, that really girly feeling. we didn't kiss either

i guess i didn't really care which direction our relationship went

we went out to lunch since then and hang out a lot chez lui. i think everyday i keep liking him more and more

he is a really quiet guy and i guess at first that bothered me because i thought he was boring or shy (and i really like to talk..too much honestly). but really its just that he doesn't feel the need to speak all the time. the silence isn't awkward anymore, it's just kind of a moment that we can enjoy together, enjoy each others presence i guess you could say

the only time i see him yell, or talk a lot is when he's playing hockey. completely different person out there. his mom told me she forced him to play when he was little so he would come out of his shell a little since he was so quiet 

first kiss

so our first kiss 

*raises eyebrows in scandalous manner* 

it was the day we went out to our lunch date (oh gosh, i'm soo soo tired right now. i better hurry up and type this) 

we'll we've had lunch together a lot since then but, that was an actual date, i guess

he was saying something but i couldn't hear (since he's so damn quiet!) so i leaned in really close to him and he stopped talking, took my chin with two of his fingers and tiled my face up towards him and gave me a five second peck

it was the best five second peck ever! that time i actually did get that really girly/giddy feeling

i couldn't help it and grinned really widely. kind of embarrassing, i thought

today on the phone he told me he was glad i smiled because he was sure i didn't like him. i guess i was sure i didn't like him either, what a difference a little peck can make

Quick Montreal Trip

we are taking a quick trip to montreal à cause de my mothers uncle recently passing away, i never met him sadly.

it's unfortunate circumstances but i welcome any opportunity to go to montreal. so after school tomorrow the three of us are catching a longggg flight to Montreal. we are staying until next Friday which leaves me enough time to catch up with some of my montreal friends atleast

Being Biracial Part. 1

i guess i have contemplated making this post for a while, it's always been a hard subject for me to talk about.

when i was little i had no idea there was anything different about me, i mean i knew my parents looked different from each other. but everyone else's did too, right?
i guess my situation was different from a lot of others. i was completely clueless. my parents never mentioned it, or talked about it, or anything. as far as i can remember people never asked me about it until i was much older either. i can definitely remember the moment when it sort of dawned on me and i realized, your different..your 'biracial'.
i said it in my mind over and over again for a long time.

i was maybe seven or eight years old and i was in class at school (in anchorage). a tiny blond woman, with a very pointy nose and wide blue eyes, knocked on the door, she looked no older than thirty. "hi, we've just transfered, you should've gotten an email about my son Cody." She looked really nervous. Behind her, holding her hand in comes a tiny boy. Darker than me with black (what i like to call) "greek curls".
i will never forget it, my teacher glanced at them and said "your son..." eyes wide.
how could she miss the resemblance, aside from the obvious color differentiation, he was the spitting image of his mother. he had the same very pointy nose, the same cheeks, the same wide eyes just in a dark brown color, and he had the same mouth, thin and pursed.
i looked at him and his mother and thought of my family, my family was like that except my father was the white one. my family wasn't normal
that little boy and i would become really close friends, the only person other than my brothers who i could really relate to for a long time
that was the day it dawned on me that i was different

it was the first time i cried over being biracial
i went home to my shocked father and sobbed into his shoulder, until my mother came home from work. i kept repeating "how come no one told me!?" and "why am i different, why me!?"
my mothers only reply was angrily "what? you are upset because your father and i love each other!? it is not a big deal!?"
as much as that didn't help me then, i realize now its completely true.
it's not a big deal.. it shouldn't be a big deal. but it is a big deal

Feeling Life's a Failure

Recently I have been feeling like a failure.
My date with hockey boy kind of failed. (key word kind of) Needless to say, french class has gotten prettyyyyy awkward.
I'm failing math, which is bad because otherwise I am not allowed to play lacrosse.
(I am doing really well in my history, french, german and english classes)
My parents are pretty pissed at me and i'll no longer be their perfect youngest child since we are officially adopting chandler... (more on that later)
I don't really seem to relate to most of my friends anymore as their life's now consist of idle things
Life just kinda seems pointless
My brothers are gone too :( i miss todd, he was my real best friend


fortunately Linden was here to remind me of some positive things in my life

1. I'm alive and so is everyone in my family
2. I'm finished with all of my science credits. this is due to the fact that I am strangely skilled at physics and before I went to france i took tons of extra physics classes and went to summer camps and the like (yes! i first took physics my freshman year, and i am not ashamed!)
3. ....still working on this one

life temporarily sucks :(

Why Luke, Why?

why are you dating kelly osbourne and not me!?!?

i'm happy that she's found that someone special

but

....

i love the tall skinny chizzled types

especially when they come with a nice accent

oh well

i search on

oh, well kinda. i'll explain about my date with hockey boy soon

James Dean

i still can't put my finger on what makes him so sexy
but he is
i guess he's my celebrity crush of the 50's era
and i am not ashamed
i love the black and white pictures of him
sexily slouching while he puffs away on his cigarette
his jawline looks carved by the greeks
and he has a confidence that is not too loud or cocky

Beignet for Breakfast

je les adore!
but i will surely get fat
i had at least four for breakfast
they're just so yummalicious
i'll never tire of them

Multiple Citizenship

the multiple citizenships of my family has been a problem that calls us back to embassies time and time again


lets start simple then go on

dad: born in virginia and only has american citizenship
his family moved to the united states ages ago and he has no contact or awareness of relatives overseas.. very simple, no?

gabriel: born in montreal (this was the year my dad took off from work) . he has canadian citizenship by birth (also the fact that my mother is canadian). when he was born my mother was married to my american dad and so they immediately went to the american embassy there and filed a report of a "birth abroad." they basically had no trouble and was sent an american passport for baby gabe, it also helped that they moved to anchorage the next year

jean-todd (todd): born in anchorage, alaska. 1. the canadian embassy of anchorage doesn't do shit 2. it wasn't even opened until 2004. my parents had to go to the consulate of seattle. i guess things went relatively smooth there, until we received a letter from the state department asking why "this person" (aka baby todd) would want to acquire a canadian citizenship and asked if he knew that he would have to renounce his american citizenship in order to become a citizen of another country. my parents were so confused and went all the way from anchorage back to seattle again. apparently there was a mixup or something, the u.s. people in charge of that didn't know he was an infant with a canadian mother

me: same as todd, born in anchorage and had to get canadian citizenship from seattle consulate except i didn't have any problems

here's where things get slightly confusing

mama: born in montreal to a french canadian (technically just canadian) dad and an actually french mother. so she is considered french and canadian and has citizenship of both countries. and she lived in france from age 17 to 23 (atleast five years etc.) but since she went to a french university that was reduced by two years

since gabriel was born in canada and its very common to have french citizenship, he easily became a french citizen at five. todd & i are much much older than age five
and because we were born in america, we are having alot of trouble getting a french citizenship as well. and i think we might have had to live there (france) during some period..

long story short we're having some trouble

Date Night

its date night with hockey boy
wish me luck

Not Z, Zed..

his name is joe
and we are canadian

damn, i never get tired of this commercial

And the love boat sets sails again...

the first week of school, i never noticed a guy in my french class that i'd never seen before. and then i was sick forever so if i had noticed him, i would have forgotten maybe
well apparently he noticed me
and how could i not have noticed him, he's 1m90 (that's around 6'2 - 6'3 for you amis) and actually pretty cute
we started talking in class and the reason we don't know each other is because he transferred in the year i was in france
apparently he's really good at ice hockey & is one of the two ice hockey captains this year.. also he knows my brother Todd who graduated last year, he even said he knew i was Todd's sister right away because we look alike. and people never tell us we look alike
i'll take that as a compliment as todd gets with tons of chicks(i dont support it though!)
ok so to get to the point we've been talking a lot lately and he asked me on a date this friday. i haven't "dated" in forver but i said ok
hes taking me to a restaurant called maenam and i've never been before, or heard of it, but my friend leia freaked out about that (you know, girl freak out) so i'm guessing it's pretty nice
i'm kinda nervous,i still don't know him very well

new topic
later this fall instead of flying into england with my mom, i'm just gonna fly in and gabe is gonna meet me there and go with me on my college visits in france and england. nadja will come too of course
i'm really looking forward to that and just college in general really

ok i'll end with my favorite ice hockey player Jason Spezza

True and Pathetic Racism...

recently a blogger, zek, was being called racist..meanwhile i stumble upon a truly racist and kind of disturbing website
everyone knows that i'm kind of a sensitive person
and its really upsetting for me to see such obvious displays of hatred and intolerance and ignorance that you often see on the internet, as i am from canada where we don't have so many race problems here
and i have never experienced racism (knowingly) first hand

http://www.amren.com/mtnews/archives/2009/08/racist_she_pref.php

they even congratulate austria on their 'progress' and everyone with a brain knows that austria (nadja describes as "un pays très raciste") is the country with the second highest number of neo nazis in the world
after america
and actually nadja and gabriel just explained to me why this is (about austria) and why germany has a considerably low number of neo nazis interestingly..but i'll post that later

in the words of Harlem Désir

Pierre Casiraghi

the incredibly cute Pierre is the grandson of Grace Kelly
he's just the cutest thing
and also 3rd inline for the throne of Monaco
i think i love him :S
he used to be really nerdy when he was younger too
sighs
plus his sister is the incredibly gorgeous Charlotte
i love them both actually

i've been to monaco a few times and the natives are pretty cool, some of my most embarrassingly drunk moments where there too

Extremely Exhausted plus Globally Underground...

frown, i cant embed this. this song is a little old but makes me want to run around in my kitchen and cook at the time of morning when the light's really good

camille ~ au port
i forgot all about it when i came back to canada but terribly sorry here reminded me and now i can't get it out of my head
shes got a great young, very french voice and you can listen here

oh shit im falling asleep while typing this, truly i am exhausted. went to bed a 3:30 last night, and not because i was at a wild party for once

ok so recently i have rediscovered transglobal underground who i love love love em and am working on acquiring all their cds since 1994 right now.
some of my favorite songs by them
army of forgotten souls
la voix du sang
i, voyager


also they often collaborate with the fabulous natacha atlas
her voice is ... wow
shes got the whole sultry parfois raspy middle eastern thing going on
she sings in arabic plus other languages (but it still sounds like arabic when she does)



ok so i definitely just fell asleep for like 3 hours with the lap top on my chest


i'll finish this later, blah
plus in like an hour i'm supposed to sneak out or something (?)
apparently the soccer team won and you know how it goes...

eh... this is the worst post ever

Adoption

after i was born my parents desperately tried to conceive one last child
and failed of course

but recently they have been talking about adoption especially now that Gabriel is here we as a whole family have been seriously discussing it and apparently my parents already found a child they've looked into for months
a 6 year old boy from france named chandler
chandler amsel ..my new baby brother?
he is biracial like my other sibling and i, and my parents think it would be good to be adopted into a family with a similar background with hopes it would be easier for him to fit in with the rest of us for being so similar in that aspect
the only problem is that he doesn't speak english, which really isn't a problem for the rest of us. only for my dad
more on that plus tard

on another note nadja tells me my last name amsel means merle in french, or blackbird in our lovely english
am i distantly german??

peut être thinks nadja

German Forecast? plus Up Early Today

up early today finishing my loads ap french homework that i missed. as of two days ago i am now taking german. nope, i haven't been back to school yet, i've had a whoping total of three days of school... luckily
so i still haven't been to school recently yes, but this year i decided to take a second foreign language. it was originally supposed to be spanish but after meeting nadja (j pronounced like y & more about her further below) i've decided to give german culture a chance. my brother (gabe's here now) is so excited, he really does love the place. he went up to school and even talked to my college counselor and had it changed for me. so now, as a senior i am in a freshman class pre-ib german 1. it's really embarrasing actually because i was atleast in spanish 2 when i was taking spanish. gabe also went upstairs and talked to the german 1 teacher mr.weiss, a kind of elderly man (apparently) who he is just best friends with now and got all of the work i missed for me. i'm not going to school again until Wednesday so I have plenty of time to catch up and nadja and gabe are going to help me get acquainted with the language, now i'm actually getting kind of excited.

ok so about nadja
she is unfairly and painfully beautiful, my brother should never break up with her.
with curly light brown hair and german blue eyes she in thin but not skinny. with an incredibly womanly hourglass figure...like scarlett johansson

her english is absolutely shit-tastic, i think she secretly hates the language, but her french is really impressive, she's a french major apparently. giving her a million plus points on my mothers "amie du fils" scale
so this is rather unfortunate and akward for my father as he has no knowledge of any foreign language except he can say bon jour in a truly awful american accent and on a good day je m'appelle paul. lately he stands around awkwardly while the rest of us make jokes in french and laugh histerically
the house (or condo, as we recently moved) was a bustle with french. nadja mostly hung out in the kitchen helping my mom or animatedly chatting up gabe in german. they seem to have a good laugh together and i sadly realized i hardly know my brother
what is he like? what does he do for fun? his favorite color? i have no idea

she made a traditional southern german food which was actually a pretty good noodle dish called spaetzle, i was actually kind of unwilling to try at first as germany is not known for their delicious cuisine but was pleasantly surprised
the only thing about nadja is that, even though i imagine she does very well in her university studying french, she is not especially bright
she is definitely not stupid but.. i don't know, i don't mind and it's not important really but
maybe it's just that she is simple, but not in the country girl way as i get the feeling she is a big bar hopper (presents consisted solely of tons of german beer and some wines they bought in montreal). maybe it's just that she is unconcerned with the problems of life
maybe i worry too much for my age?
oh well, i suspect she will make an excellent teacher as i can already say
guten tag ich heisse samantha und ich bin seibzehn jahre alt. ich wohne in vancouver
in german w's are pronounced like v, and j's like y. it's been one day and im already learning so much! haha
in a short while she will help me progress even further into this new world of discovery, and to think last week i could have cared less about german. i wonder what future chain of events this could have set off?