i guess i have contemplated making this post for a while, it's always been a hard subject for me to talk about.
when i was little i had no idea there was anything different about me, i mean i knew my parents looked different from each other. but everyone else's did too, right?
i guess my situation was different from a lot of others. i was completely clueless. my parents never mentioned it, or talked about it, or anything. as far as i can remember people never asked me about it until i was much older either. i can definitely remember the moment when it sort of dawned on me and i realized, your different..your 'biracial'.
i said it in my mind over and over again for a long time.
i was maybe seven or eight years old and i was in class at school (in anchorage). a tiny blond woman, with a very pointy nose and wide blue eyes, knocked on the door, she looked no older than thirty. "hi, we've just transfered, you should've gotten an email about my son Cody." She looked really nervous. Behind her, holding her hand in comes a tiny boy. Darker than me with black (what i like to call) "greek curls".
i will never forget it, my teacher glanced at them and said "your son..." eyes wide.
how could she miss the resemblance, aside from the obvious color differentiation, he was the spitting image of his mother. he had the same very pointy nose, the same cheeks, the same wide eyes just in a dark brown color, and he had the same mouth, thin and pursed.
i looked at him and his mother and thought of my family, my family was like that except my father was the white one. my family wasn't normal
that little boy and i would become really close friends, the only person other than my brothers who i could really relate to for a long time
that was the day it dawned on me that i was different
it was the first time i cried over being biracial
i went home to my shocked father and sobbed into his shoulder, until my mother came home from work. i kept repeating "how come no one told me!?" and "why am i different, why me!?"
my mothers only reply was angrily "what? you are upset because your father and i love each other!? it is not a big deal!?"
as much as that didn't help me then, i realize now its completely true.
it's not a big deal.. it shouldn't be a big deal. but it is a big deal
awwww i feel ur pain...and in my situation it was lil weirder because my mom is puerto rican and my dad is haitian...imagine going to family gatherings where one side of the room speaks french and the other side speaks spanish...lol. not cool. but i learned to adapt and love it with every ounce of me. it's fun finding urself ;)
ReplyDeleteIs it really a big deal? For YOU and your loved ones, I mean. Or is it that there are factions of society that make it a big deal? Undoubtedly, you have some unique issues to face, but they are not insurmountable, and like Bianca S. has said, if you find yourself, if you know yourself, I wouldn't think it would be such a big deal for you.
ReplyDeleteI come from a very large, very multicultural family, and amongst the family members whose bodies bear the stamp of the different cultures it is easy to differentiate those who constantly feel "different" (only a few) and the ones who have found their "center". The ones in the former group often express that it is the influences from outside that make them feel different. Some of them actually thrive on it and fell special/lucky. Either way, I find that in time, most people find their Center. As a minority among minorities living in a majority white locale, I have learned how to find my Center. I do admit that maybe your parents could have mentioned the issue to you. Like many parents who have to address sensitive issues, they probably just couldn't decide when was the right time to bring it up.