Ch-Ch Changes

Since we have last spoken, there have been many many changes.

1. Much to the anger of my mother, my father will be in Armenia until mid-June. He received a really interesting opportunity to study/observe the endangered Armenian birch mouse when one of his old zoologist friends from the states invited him. Yes, my father is a zoologist, specifically under the category of mammalogy. It was always fun during career day in prim. school. He has been gone for a few weeks now and my mother is miserable and angry, pretty much at all hours of the day. I feel for her students, there is nothing like an angry French teacher to ruin your day.

2. My grand-mère moved in with us last weekend. Only temporarily fortunately. The reason is that next week my mother is going to France for about a month. Why? To visit some friends and tie up all the loose ends for the adoption of my NEW BROTHER! I guess I'm pretty excited now, but why couldn't they have found a girl somewhere? We already have two boys.

Now normally I would be allowed to be by myself for this month. However I can't...

3. One day, when my parents were supposedly out of town I, like any normal person my age, threw a party. There were some questionable people and questionable substances. It got even better when my parents arrived. I never wanted more to crawl into a hole.

4. Every since me and "that guy" ended whatever was going on there. I have had zero, dates, zero guys in general, not even meaningless party kisses. But I'm okay because my grades have skyrocketed! I mean honestly, I'm doing great in school now that I have no stupid distractions. Also, I'm not allowed to go to any partys...

I'm starting to feel nerdy, and it's great!

more soon!

You think you know someone....

until you find out they have a secret girlfriend

since tuesday night hockey boy was acting kinda strange

today when i asked him what our plans for the weekend were he told me 

there was a girl he was dating, before he met me.. she goes to another school

and they were still together all along AND he said that he LOVES her

but... its all good because we can still hook up

what!? i don't think so! 

its been several months now and i was really starting to like this guy, like a lot 

i've never felt more stupid and

naturally i was fucking pissed

did his mother know this whole time??

so i find out that she is from mexico

oh great! she's probably really exotic and pretty, was i not exotic enough for him??

like any teenage girl in this day and age i do some snooping on facebook and find her to be not cute at all

she is ridiculously short (disclaimer: i have nothing against short people, i'm just reasonably tall) and has braces, is overweight, and she's a junior 

yes, i am being extremely superficial but guys like him don't go for girls like her

i've never been in a situation like this before, what will i do when i see him tomorrow in french class??

hmmm 

obviously i'm in a SUPER mood

i'm not bitter though

so here's a big FUCK YOU for STEPHEN SALLE!

Since When..

i am a little mad 

and so are my parents understandably

we are mad for different reasons however

THEIR REASON

even though i am making A's in all of my advanced classes and mostly A's and B's overall, i have a 68 in math... which is bad yes

MY REASON

i have never been good at math, i have failed before and they didn't care then! they were just so proud that i was good at physics. 

now they won't let me go anywhere or do anything. they won't let me go hang with the boyfriend for a couple of hours. they won't let me walk the FUCKING dog...

my parents have never ever been this strict before

and so tomorrow i am getting a tutor for THREE HOURS

i don't have three hours of math that i need help with, do they want me to fall over and die of boredom !?!?!?!??!!!!!

so i fume here and take advantage of my laptop use, before they take that away from me

can't wait for college ,cause i am legally an adult, and waaaay to old for this

Belgian Fetish

so, i went to a party this weekend

i knew a total of three people

all i can say is belgian fetish

i'll expand on that later...

Distance, Fondness and All That...

so i'm not home, as i mentioned in an earlier post 

right now im in montreal

but i got a phone call from hockey boy, he was wondering if I could help him with his french homework... true, his french is not so great. but his mom is a native french (canadian) speaker, her french is great (i know! we've spoken lol)

i thought it was cute and of course he had already finished his french homework with her help

i guess i still haven't talked about how that date went

the dinner and restaurant were great just like my friend said it would be, but i didn't get the feeling of "omg i really like this guy!!!" 

you know, that really girly feeling. we didn't kiss either

i guess i didn't really care which direction our relationship went

we went out to lunch since then and hang out a lot chez lui. i think everyday i keep liking him more and more

he is a really quiet guy and i guess at first that bothered me because i thought he was boring or shy (and i really like to talk..too much honestly). but really its just that he doesn't feel the need to speak all the time. the silence isn't awkward anymore, it's just kind of a moment that we can enjoy together, enjoy each others presence i guess you could say

the only time i see him yell, or talk a lot is when he's playing hockey. completely different person out there. his mom told me she forced him to play when he was little so he would come out of his shell a little since he was so quiet 

first kiss

so our first kiss 

*raises eyebrows in scandalous manner* 

it was the day we went out to our lunch date (oh gosh, i'm soo soo tired right now. i better hurry up and type this) 

we'll we've had lunch together a lot since then but, that was an actual date, i guess

he was saying something but i couldn't hear (since he's so damn quiet!) so i leaned in really close to him and he stopped talking, took my chin with two of his fingers and tiled my face up towards him and gave me a five second peck

it was the best five second peck ever! that time i actually did get that really girly/giddy feeling

i couldn't help it and grinned really widely. kind of embarrassing, i thought

today on the phone he told me he was glad i smiled because he was sure i didn't like him. i guess i was sure i didn't like him either, what a difference a little peck can make

Quick Montreal Trip

we are taking a quick trip to montreal à cause de my mothers uncle recently passing away, i never met him sadly.

it's unfortunate circumstances but i welcome any opportunity to go to montreal. so after school tomorrow the three of us are catching a longggg flight to Montreal. we are staying until next Friday which leaves me enough time to catch up with some of my montreal friends atleast

Being Biracial Part. 1

i guess i have contemplated making this post for a while, it's always been a hard subject for me to talk about.

when i was little i had no idea there was anything different about me, i mean i knew my parents looked different from each other. but everyone else's did too, right?
i guess my situation was different from a lot of others. i was completely clueless. my parents never mentioned it, or talked about it, or anything. as far as i can remember people never asked me about it until i was much older either. i can definitely remember the moment when it sort of dawned on me and i realized, your different..your 'biracial'.
i said it in my mind over and over again for a long time.

i was maybe seven or eight years old and i was in class at school (in anchorage). a tiny blond woman, with a very pointy nose and wide blue eyes, knocked on the door, she looked no older than thirty. "hi, we've just transfered, you should've gotten an email about my son Cody." She looked really nervous. Behind her, holding her hand in comes a tiny boy. Darker than me with black (what i like to call) "greek curls".
i will never forget it, my teacher glanced at them and said "your son..." eyes wide.
how could she miss the resemblance, aside from the obvious color differentiation, he was the spitting image of his mother. he had the same very pointy nose, the same cheeks, the same wide eyes just in a dark brown color, and he had the same mouth, thin and pursed.
i looked at him and his mother and thought of my family, my family was like that except my father was the white one. my family wasn't normal
that little boy and i would become really close friends, the only person other than my brothers who i could really relate to for a long time
that was the day it dawned on me that i was different

it was the first time i cried over being biracial
i went home to my shocked father and sobbed into his shoulder, until my mother came home from work. i kept repeating "how come no one told me!?" and "why am i different, why me!?"
my mothers only reply was angrily "what? you are upset because your father and i love each other!? it is not a big deal!?"
as much as that didn't help me then, i realize now its completely true.
it's not a big deal.. it shouldn't be a big deal. but it is a big deal